Friday, October 14, 2005

Wife kills husband over ink stain, News at 11...

Let me preface this rant by first saying publically... I love my husband. For those of you who may be reading this and are from his family of origin, please do not fret. These homocidal ideations on my part will not be played out - his life is not really in jeapordy... well, at least not much...

I've been under a bit of strain lately. You could go back to this spring with Dad's diagnosis, his death, the birth of Christopher, etc.. or you could look at the last week. I know I will sound like a whiney-spoiled who-knows-what, but so be it. First, my housekeeper quit. True, she's been superfluous this summer, but still... She's been with my family since before Steve and I were married and one would think LOYALTY might come into play, and its not like the house is in shambles and its too much work for her. I think she got into a pissing contest with our sitter and gave me an ultimatum. She lost.

Then this sitter disappeared. Well, not really - you can hold off calling "America's Most wanted", but she has pretty much fallen off the earth. Her son is sick (She has 5 kids) and she called Monday saying she would not be able to come that day. Today is Friday and there's been no word. NONE. NADA. ZIPPO. I go back to work in 10 days. I'm not a happy camper.

Now we come to the part where I am ready to kill Steve. Its a long story but suffice it to say he's taken to sleeping in the guest room (to hear the baby better, and it works) and is typically flanked by both boys. I have said to him that its time the boys go back to their OWN beds. I said this rather emphatically last night, but it fell on deaf ears.

Fine. Don't listen to me... I really do just like the sound of my own voice.

Matthew comes downstairs this morning after having a bath before bed. He's adorable in his just-waking-up innocence. He snuggles with me on the stairs, and that's then I see it. Ink. Marker ink. Its on his hands.. and legs... face, neck, chest, stomach, back...

Me: Matthew - how did you get so covered in ink??
Matthew: Shrugs shoulders.
Me: Matthew, did you draw on yourself?? (He's been known to do this)
Matthew: Shakes his head 'no'
Me: Matthew - did you sleep on some markers?
Matthew: Smiles very coy-ly (think Mona Lisa) and nods his head.
Me: In your bed?
Matthew: Nothing. Blank Stare.

I go upstairs to find marker seeped into my sheets, pillowcase, blankets, mattress. Steve was next to this child all night. Steve is 6'3" and was sharing a bed with two boys weighing close to 60 pounds each. He was so close to Matthew he was practicly wearing him. He did not notice that the child came to bed with two (2!!!) markers in his hands? I know he is the most non-observant person on the planet (Self-proclaimed) but still...

And can anyone give me advice for how to get the MEN in my house (all of them) to Aim For The Middle???

I'd have them clean the bathroom, but I'd just have to go in and do it again anyway...


Miss T said...

OMG Sam...I can TOTALLY commiserate w/you on the AIMING thing. Well...AND the bathroom cleaning thing! Please God, let THIS one be a girl!!!!! {{{HUGS}}} Hope you can find a replacement sitter soon!

Miss Gulch said...

I think you need your own bathroom, Sam. A really girly one with pink and ruffles and flowers out the wazoo. And a "NO BOYS ALLOWED!" sign!

Rox said...

Oh my! Oh my, my, my!

I'm afraid someone would have suffered.

Sending hugs, ink and pee-free vibes, and hopes that your sitter turns up.