Sunday, June 12, 2005

This blog is NOT for the faint of heart, or stomach!

Consider yourself fairly warned. Truly. This post is being written at 2:30 in the morning by a wickedly uncomfortable pregnant woman. Why am I wickedly uncomfortable, you might ask? Well, other than the fact that there is a 3-something-pound human being crushing my insides and playing the xylophone on my ribs, I decided to try to be more "healthy" tonight and did NOT have a soda with my dinner.

No biggie, right? Water = good, soda = bad. Wanted water. Usually have soda, usually sleep ok, overlooking the three or four trips to the bathroom. Had water tonight. And Chinese food. 8 hours ago. Its still VERY much with me....

Why, I've found myself asking, is a dinner I ate a full work-day ago still with me? Why am I still pounding the chewey rolaids at this hour?? Well, I just woke up to one of the most unusual and unpleasant experiences I've had while being pregnant and I think I can trace it all back to NOT having a soda with my dinner... Imagine, I'm more or less asleep, dreaming away... when I involuntarily burp in my sleep. OK - 31 weeks pg, weird things happen, but this burp had a lovely layer of acid on top. YUCK - not a nice way to wake up.

So now I am certain I've been terrifying my children... they will be convinced that the boogie man is here and alive and well and roaming our house, when in fact its just their poor mom, walking around at ungodly hours, trying to burp, and probably sounding much like a very drunk college kid. There is enough gas in my stomach to power a rocket. And, enough acid to burn a hole through, oh, fort knox!

You may be asking yourself what this has to do with soda. Well, soda seems to work well at helping all the excess gas that is produced when you are pregnant move its way OUT sooner. Sort of like a fast-forward button on discharging noxius fumes from the body. Its not terribly pleasant for the rest of my family, but then neither is just about anything when it comes to 3rd trimester pregnancies. (Other than the end result of a very cute and loved and yet un-named child. ) Water, on the other hand, just sits. Gas forms, water sits there, mixes SO nicely with the acid, and evidently can sit on top of, underneath or next to escaping gas bubbles.

If I could sleep standing up, at this point, I'd try it. Oh, to be a horse!! Heck, I already feel as big as one, why not... just slap some hooves on me and let me lean against a nice cool stall door.

I swear to you - forget sex ed. Just have any poor teenage girl who is even THINKING about having sex spend a day or two in the body of a pregnant woman with acid reflux or morning sickness or both. The human race would come to a quick halt!

4 comments:

Jenn T. said...

Oh, Sam, I'm with you on the reflux. It got worse & worse with each consecutive pregnancy. And, all threee of my kids were bald as cue balls, so the theory about heartburn being related to lots of hair is hogwash!

Miss Gulch said...

Sam, it was reflux more than pre-eclampsia that got me to whine for an induction at 38 weeks with Colleen. I was subsiting on ginger ale for the last week and a half or so. The minute she was born, I had DH going to Baja Fresh for carryout. There was never a more welcomed child in the history of the world, and sadly a lot of that welcome was by way of my esophagus. Big hugs!
(Oh, and both of mine had full heads of hair.)

Dina said...

Sorry Sam! That's awful. By the end of my last pregnancy I was almost completely nocturnal b/c I could not get over the heartburn and/or the all day 'morning sickness'. So glad he came early.

Bren said...

Oh Sam, I remember those feelings, not so long ago! I'm so sorry. I never knew that about soda, but I lived on Tums. Hugs.