After reading so many great posts on courage, I have been doing lots more thinking about the topic. One of the writers, who blogs at Worth Pursuing, talked about the courage it took for her to leave an otherwise unsatisfactory marriage in order to allow real love and support to come to her. As many other posts have done, this one got me thinking a LOT about me, and what I'm willing to be courageous for.
Some say courage, but others say insanity. Is it the outcome that separates the two? Certainly, for WP, many could have called her crazy for leaving a husband who was not abusive, and without question, the easy road could very well have been staying in a relationship void of support, companionship and emotional intimacy. Staying would have been easy.
That's sort of where I find myself at this point in my life, and no, I'm not considering leaving my husband, but rather, WE are thinking of leaving HERE, where we live, where we are both employed. HERE is mediocre. HERE, and our jobs, barely get us by. Between high costs for housing, cost of living and some of the lowest teacher salaries in the country, staying HERE seems like a bad idea.
Until I begin thinking of the alternative. Leaving HERE. Leaving here means going somewhere else, and WOW, while on one hand, exciting, it is also terrifying.
My kids only know HERE. While I have never felt rooted or grounded here, they do. The only home they have ever known is this one, with its drafty windows and leaky roof. What bothers me immensely about this house, they don't even notice.
Add to that the idea of getting jobs, at our age, somewhere else, and you have a recipe for frozen-in-fear. I think my husband has it... the fear that, if he were to leave the job he likes, but in all candor pays only slightly better than mine, he would have to start over. He won't look at it, the idea of getting a new job. Yet he also realizes that, if we stay, nothing changes. Nothing gets better. Same poop, different day.
Is it the easy way out to decide to stay? Or is it simply insane, especially now, to consider moving across the country into the unknown? If we fall on our faces out there, well, the answer is clear.
Do we, as a family, have the courage to imagine something better? It is like the old adage: You cannot discover new oceans until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
It does take courage to imagine a life better than the one you have. It also takes courage to make it happen. It is what our founding fathers and the hoards of immigrants who started this country all shared: Courage to believe, courage to hope, courage to act.