Sunday, August 07, 2005

The morning after...

First off, I want to extend a generous and warm thank you to all of my friends, in real life and cyber-only, who have sent prayers, positive thoughts and hugs. They are so appreciated, so welcomed and very much needed.

We are all ok... Me, Steve, the boys, and my mom. We spent quite a bit of time over at mom's yesterday afternoon, and there was much laughter, several tears, and a great deal of healing had begun.

You can say that it is nice to be able to prepare for something like this. I've experienced both - long illness as well as shockingly quick death, either by nature or by tragedy, and I will take the longer one because it does give you time to say what you want to, to make ammends if needed, and to get your head around what is happening.

You still can't be fully prepared, though, for how quiet things will be afterwords, or how deeply you will miss the person who is gone. The other downside to illness is watching someone deteriorate before your eyes, and the fear that the only vision you will have of that person for years to come was the whithered body that was left. I still have visions of my poor grandfather, lying motionless in a hospital bed. I wish I could get that image out of my mind, but 15 years later, its still there.

I don't think I will have that, however, with Dad. He was such a vibrant and strong man his whole life and this demise was really rather quick. It was June 9th that he went into the wheelchair. On June 8th, he was walking up the stairs in my house looking at the nursery. 2 months is a very short period of time when you've lived for 83+ years. In my mind's eye, his voice is still strong, his legs still work, and he's just as active as ever.

It was a good life he lived... and, all things considered, it was a good death. I think once he decides to take the boat in from the sea, he will be racing his old Corvette along Don Lattimer, his dear, close friend for many years, who will be trying to best Dad in his Porsche. Hope you're having fun, guys!

1 comment:

jennib said...

Oh man-deep breath-I have just sat and cried through your blog. You have a gifted way of baring your soul in print. I am so so deeply sorry for the loss of your father. He sounds like a great man with a ton of courage. And I hope that you have your little one soon. I cannot imagine how bittersweet this is going to be for you so I will close with my heart felt feelings of peace for you and your family.