Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Becoming Zen

I had a much needed massage this weekend.  It began with a headache that lasted for 5 days, and a desperate call into the massage place.  "Sweedish, or therapeutic?"  Duh - therapeutic.. bring on the ball-peen hammers and rolling pins, we've got some serious knots to work out!!

It is 2 days later.  The headache is back, and is now joined by extremely sore shoulders, which is apparently where I hold ALL my stress.  I thought a couple of times that I was going to crawl through the table, it hurt so much, but I can turn my head from side to side with ease now, something I had not realized that I was no longer able to do...

So, what has been causing all this stress, you may ask.  Between the house, work, the kids, the economy, its hard to imagine what I could possibly have to be stressed about... (Insert horribly sarcastic tone here). 

Then last night, it sort of hit me... there are things I cannot change (The economy), there are things I am trying to change (the house) and there are things that, while I try to change, I really am powerless over them (work). Sounds a bit like that old Serenity Prayer.. maybe its got a good message or two for us all...

Last week, one of the major sources of stress was a coworker.  I could go into all her horrible sins against me and humanity in general, but that would only raise my blood pressure again, and we don't really need to go there.  Let's just leave it that I was completely pissed off, and felt completely in the right in this given situation.  I stewed all weekend.  I plotted by carefully worded email over and over again.  As the assistant Principal said to me on Friday when I went to go talk to her about it "Sam, someone is going to get pissed off - where is it written that it has to be YOU?" I am not generally one who enjoys stepping on someone's toes, but when someone steps on mine without provocation, well, that sort of sets me off...

Then last night, something switched off (or on??) in my brain.  Will this matter in a year?  Really?  Will having my say and getting an apology change my life in any way 12 months from now, or 5 years from now?

No?  So why sweat it?

If it does not really matter, in the whole cosmic scheme of things, why am I going to allow it to affect my health or steal another moment from my life.  No doubt, there are things which require my attention, and my passion.  Proving myself right to someone who already thinks SHE is right should not be one of them.

Someone remind me of this the next time she pisses me off?

Until then.. think, calm waters, deep breath... calm waters, deep breath... maybe this will help!

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