Sunday, November 27, 2005

I think I used to be a cat...

Perhaps its all the leftover L-Triptophan running through my veins or the lingering of this bug that seems to be plaguing everyone around here, but I found myself wanting to nap quite a bit this holiday weekend. My visions of a possible former life as a feline came as memories...

We've had a cold snap here over the last few days. Truly - we go from needing the AC on one day to needing the heat on the next - certainly not COLD as per Eastern standards, but chilly just the same. I decided I needed a nap, so I went upstairs and cuddled down in bed - and could not get warm. As I lay there rubbing my chilly toes together in hopes of creating some heat, I remembered being a kid and laying down in the middle of the living room in a sunbeam during those all-too-precious sunny winter days. I vividly remember how wonderful the sun felt through the glass window - and how it gave just enough heat to lull me off to sleep. I can only imagine what my mother must have thought to see me laying there, stolen sofa pillow under my head, laying on the floor sound asleep.

Between my cold toes and my sore throat, a nap was never meant to be. But the quiet time was refreshing and much needed. I thought about Dad a lot this weekend. Thanksgiving seemed just fine until the evening was nearly over and one of the guests started petting Cali (Dad's Black Lab) It struck me at that moment that something huge was missing. I don't think time heals so much as life simply continues... I miss him just as deeply now as I did in August, its just that perhaps the goings-on of every day don't allow me the time to think about it as much now as I did then. Maybe that's a good thing - maybe not - who is to tell? Mom is planning to be away for Christmas. I can understand her desire to do something totally different this year. I am quite thankful that Steve's sister and her family will be with us, or else I might have wanted to be away this year, too.

Father Jon, the rector of our church, talked this Thanksgiving about the fact that holidays allow us to go back to our roots, to think about where we come from and to be thankful for our heritage, our history and our creation, both familial and physical. Maybe that's why we miss our loved ones so deeply at this time of year. We spend a great deal of time remembering - who we are and where we came from. As I look back, and as I look ahead, I see much to be greatful for.

1 comment:

Rox said...

I used to do the same thing - I think seeking the only bit of natural warmth to be had is instinct that goes beyond the feline.

Time doesn't as much heal, as it takes the edge off. You won't feel your loss as sharply, or as often, but there will always be times when your Dad is very noticable by his absense. 13 years after my Dad passed, I still find myself looking at Christmas cards that would have been perfect for him.