Resignation

Those who have followed my blog for a while know that I do not consider Arizona 'home'. I'm not happy here, and while I am not abjectly miserable either, I would really, REALLY like to pick up and move somewhere else.  Somewhere that has snow.  Somewhere that does NOT have insects that are out to kill you and fauna which would love to do the same.  I'd love to live in a place where the kids can climb trees, where I can tell them "Go outside and play", and not see them all day long, knowing they are safe and having fun.

We were close about two years ago.  Then Steve got this promotion and the economy was tanking quickly, and sometimes it does not matter how much you want something, actually doing that something is really just a ridiculous move.  We realized this.  We stayed put.  I was not one bit happy.

But now, for a multitude of reasons, we are moving again, and yet staying put.  We're going back to our old neighborhood, as we found a house that is perfect, that is in our budget and meets all our needs.  The only problem, as I see it, is that it is STILL IN ARIZONA!!!  (insert silent scream here).

In all my grumbling and obsessiveness of housing prices in Massachusetts and Connecticut, I have come to realize something. While this is not •home• to me, it IS home to my boys.  Arizona is all they have ever known. They don't mind the heat, because they have never known a summer where you can frolic outside barefoot in the grass.  They don't know how to make snow angels, or throw a snowball or what Docksiders are.  They don't miss being only 40 minutes from the ocean, because they have never, ever lived like that. I want to give them that experience, I want to be able to raise them as I was raised, with the pleasures of a simple walk along the river, but that is not what is in the cards for them, or for me.

So I resign myself.  I could struggle with it as if it is some foreign body I need to expel. I could stay angry and miffed and shortchanged because we "are still here" after all this time when I have been hoping that would not be the case for nearly 7 years now.

Or, I could just accept it.  I could put away my feelings of loss at what I am missing, and realize what THEY have. 
Friends. 
Teams they love to play for.
Teachers they know and love.
Familiarity that is the embodiment of HOME to them.

So, we are here for the long haul. Unless we have to, I do not want to move them once they get into middle school and Oldest is already there with Middle not far behind. I can retire to the beach and swing my legs over a dock when I am retired.  This is their Home. I may as well make peace with it and try to find the beauty, share with them in their experiences. 

But next summer, we ARE going to Boston for a visit!!  They WILL eat clams and walk on a beach.  Just so they can say they did...