Sad...

I am not ready to go back to work tomorrow.  Not one little bit, not in the least.  We have started the reclaimation project, and all that is left are the outside lights and the tree itself. (Note to self, those cardboard boxes with the dividers a 12-pack of beer come in work great to hold ornaments.  Need an excuse to go crazy buying beer??)  We've cut into and eaten Matthew's cake, and there are Legos strewn about all over the house.  The wrapping has been recycled, the boxes broken down, the Thank You notes written.

Christmas is over.

I am sitting in my living room, looking at my rather anemic tree, listening to the boys (there are 5 of them outside, 3 of mine and two neighbors) playing their own game with a soccer ball that they are lofting at each other like a football.  Even Christopher has gotten into the game.    There are laughs and yells (the good kind) and cheers bouncing back and forth between the houses.  It is good.

And it is over.  I felt as if I was spinning my wheels to get ready for Christmas, then we spent such a truly wonderful holiday together, and then we whisked ourselves away to Disney where we spun a bit more... then home and more spinning to get things cleaned and put away.  I feel as though I have not stopped spinning.  Even though, for the last two days, I have physically done very little, I am exhausted and feel as if I have not rested.  Have I spent enough time enjoying what is going on around me?  Have I really taken it in?  How on earth will I manage to get my sorry, tired tush out of bed before 6am tomorrow?

In all liklihood, this is our last Christmas in this house.  I am generally OK with that, but when I really think about it, what it means is there sits out there, somewhere in the future, the unknown of change.  Change can be, and will be good, but change is change, and that means not knowing.  Will the boys find other boys with whom they can play and make up their own games?  Most likely, but it is not guaranteed.  But then, is anything?

I guess I am really more contemplative and meloncholy than sad.  It has been a really nice two weeks.  I just could really use just one more....