On the spectrum

No - not the SPECTRUM, as in the Autism Spectrum... that is one I am quite familiar with through my work and one that has received plenty of attention. Nope - I'm talking about the "little-s" spectrum. The "where are you between Free Range and Helicopter Parent" spectrum.

Let me explain...

I thought terms like "free range parents" and "helicopter parents" were universal at this point. I've been using these terms to describe parenting methods for the last couple of years, and I thought they had made their way across the nation (see, I am nothing if not in my own eyes, your 'average Jane').

That was, until my mother stopped me and exclaimed "I have no idea what you are talking about!!!"


So - A Free-Range parent raises their kids much like a free-range farmer.. very few boundaries, allowing them to have freedom. Riding bikes without adult supervision. Going to the bathroom alone at McDonalds. Walking to the school bus (or, dare I say it - even to SCHOOL) alone. Being able to walk out the door and not come home until dinner time - you know - how WE were raised. Too much freedom?? Maybe - depending on how entrenched in the Free-Range concept one becomes, I suppose.

A Helicopter-Parent hovers. There is little or no autonomy for the child of a Helicopter Parent. I've heard stories about HPs going on their child's college interviews.. actually IN THE ROOM... with them. These are the parents who call the school/Principal/teacher and complain about grades, because "Johnny is just NOT a B student.. he deserves his A and you will give him his A". All the while, the parent ignores the fact that Johnny has not turned in any homework in 3 months. This is the same parent who insists on going to the Pediatrician appointments with their child - even at 18.

So, that leaves me wondering, reflecting.. where am I on this spectrum? How does one find middle ground?? Because regardless of which way you lean, there will be hoards of well-intentioned parents telling you that you are doing it all wrong.

I suppose I lean more toward the Free-Range idea. I am OK with letting my boys walk to and from the bus stop. I trust them to GET ON THE BUS when it arrives, and to GET OFF THE BUS in the afternoon. These are not monumental tasks.. I am OK with my oldest saying "Mom, I am going to go ride my bike for a bit". I know he knows to wear his helmet. He knows to not cross a certain street. The likelihood of him being picked up off the street by a stranger are about as good as him being struck by lightening.

But then, I go and drop my middle child off at sleep away camp. In a different state. A five hour drive from home... and I fight the urge to call, to check up and see how he is doing. The camp even sent home a letter, aimed directly at parents like ME - that said, 'you need to trust us to take care of your child'. Yeah - I get that - in theory.

In practice, well, I feel my inner Helicopter Mom coming out! But I know that he IS ok.. that he IS having fun.. that he IS eating well, and remembering to take a shower and brush his teeth. I've done a good job with him so far. I need to trust myself that he will take what I have given him, and apply it.

And is not that exactly what we want for our kids? And if we don't ever give them a chance to try out their skills - will they ever really, truly, learn them??

See - testing boundaries can be a learning and growing experience for EVERYONE involved!

I've not blogged in ages!

At the end of the year, I was too busy to complete a coherent thought. Now that school is over, I am finding myself with less to say!!

We are all doing well in the Jensen house. The boys lasted a full 4 days of summer vacation before I was ready to let them kill each other or have a hand at the task myself. Luckily for everyone involved, we discovered the Boys & Girls Club camp and they've been going daily for 3 weeks. They are happy, the house is quiet and everyone is still breathing. Good sign, on all counts!

Christopher has proven to be the easiest-going little munchkin around. I drag him everywhere, and he goes willingly, never complaining... and we are even having a modicum of success with the whole potty-training concept. Of course, being allowed to run around the house naked seems to help that!

We had some windy days and lost 3 HUGE branches off the tree in the front yard so I have spent the better part of the last two days hacking away at said tree with every chopping gizmo I can find. Have not done a bad job, either.. we will see how she fares when the winds really pick up.. maybe I have a new career in front of me??

I usually complain fiercely about the heat in summer, and I am sure that will come, but I will say we have had the most lovely June weather and I am enjoying every minute of it, for I know what comes next! May was hotter than the holy hinges of hell, and as is typical fashion, things remain that way until about Halloween. However, the weather gods have smiled down upon me, and we've not been at or above 100* for over 2 weeks.

I promise I will try to find things to write about... I do.. just not promising I will actually FIND anything!!

Why I am considering listing the members of my family on Ebay

Setting: Parker's play off game.

Background: After a furious scramble yesterday to retrieve all parts of his uniform (at the 11th hour), Parker assured me he knew where all of his uniform was today.

Scene: The mother is at Target, frantically making necessary purchases of laundry soap and dishwasher tabs when her cell phone rings.

Steve (husband): "Do you know where Parker's cup is? He can't find it".
Me: "No, he said he had everything he needed"
Steve: "Well, we have looked everywhere, all over this house and we can't find it"
Me: "He had it last night. It didn't grow feet and walk away. It is there SOMEWHERE"

Cue screaming and wailing in background from distraught boy who cannot play without said cup.

Steve: "I guess we just can't go. No cup, no game"
Me: "I will be home in a minute. I will help you look"


Mom screaches tires getting car into driveway, and dashes in front door.

Mom:"Parker, did you check the bathroom??"

silence...

Parker:"Oh, here it is..."


Looked ALL OVER the house?? Really??

Roots

I was struck by something tonight while attending Parker's strings concert at the boys' elementary school. The idea of roots came rushing at me as I sat in front of a family who we've known through schools of one sort or another for a while now. The Walshes were at the preschool we went to. Their daughter, Allie, and Parker have been in the same class a few times. I'm thinking this in a very general sense, without much pondering really, when BLAMO... it hits me..

Christopher is off behind the audience playing with Allie's little sister. Chris is pushing his way toward his 4th birthday, and Allie's sister is 4 1/2. Parker and Allie were in the same preschool class when they were the age their little siblings are NOW.. WOW.. here are these two preschoolers running around with their nearly 10 yr old siblings, which means that, for all intents and purposes, Allie has been part of Parker's life for as long as he can remember.

Matthew was running around the cafeteria during the performance, entrenched with other students he knew from school. At one point, he siddled up next to his Principal, who is aptly named Dr. Root, and had a quiet conversation. She thanked him for stopping by to say hello. She knows his name.

Steve and I waved and nodded at faces familiar to us either from preschool, or school events, or baseball, or really from anywhere. My initial feeling of "we don't know anyone" is clearly replaced by a sense of familiarity as I see face after face.

In a different setting, but on the same topic, I think about my work. I've been at my school for 7 years now. The school's doors have been open only for 8 years. I was a counselor at the school for my first 2 years there, and have been a teacher for the last 5. And for most of those 5 I've been threatening that I am going to leave. It's a crazy place to work; folks bicker and snipe at each other, our administration leaves a few things to be desired, the parents are their own breed of crazy... and yet, year after year, I stay.

Except for, perhaps, this coming year, it looks as though I will make good on my threat to leave. It's a long story, but I have myself slated at another middle school for next year. And now I have the arduous task of not only packing up my room, and saying goodbye to the people I work with day in and day out, but also then reestablishing roots somewhere else. For as crazy and insane and infuriating as my current school is (and it is all those things, and more, I know) the idea of leaving is suddenly not so attractive. Now that I know I am most likely jumping ship, perhaps the turbulence is not so bad.

I must admit, this has been an odd awakening for me. I don't feel grounded here in the desert. I have never felt grounded here, and quite frankly, am not sure I really WANT to be grounded here. I still feel quite strongly that my roots are back in Connecticut. I struggle with the pull and desire to get back there again, back to where I feel I have my footing and MY roots. And yet, somehow, without really meaning to, we have planted and nurtured roots here. My kids have them. Friends they have known nearly their whole lives surround them on a daily basis. Without meaning to, we, the adults, have become entrenched with those roots as well.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

Life here is a flurry of frenetic activity trying to get ready for the end of school. Nearly every night between now and the end of May has some culminating activity for either a boy or for me.

Please pardon the lack of updates as we wind down this crazy year. Know we are all happy, healthy and hot as the temps here in AZ top 100*. More consistent blogging will resume once school is out.

Until then, keep reading my Tweets in the Twitter feed off to the right... at least if anything earth shattering happens, it will be posted there!

Or, come visit the photography blog if you are just dying for a daily dose of the Jensen clan.