I'm tired...

Consider yourself warned.

I feel as though all I am doing lately is complaining - perhaps not out loud, so it just festers and swirls around my head. Perhaps getting it down will make me feel better.

I'm tired of aching everywhere. My hips, legs, back, belly and general pelvic region ache constantly. No position is comfortable - to sit, sleep or stand.

My feet are unrecognizable. Seriously - we're long past puffy.. we've moved into gross! Thank God I kept this one pair of sandals that I got years ago from Aerosoles, because they are velcro thongs that I can make big enough to fit over my elephant feet. Of course, they leave 2" indentations when I try to take them off, but at least I can put something on my feet so that they don't melt and adhere to the pavement outside.

I can't sleep. No surprise there, but it's really getting to me. Between having to wake up JUST TO MOVE POSITIONS in bed, then I debate with myself - do I really need to pee right now, which is usually followed by "yeah - you do" so I haul my sorry butt out of bed and waddle to the bathroom, aching every inch of the way. But, just GETTING out of bed requires the strength of Hercules at this point... You try it - getting up without using your stomach muscles and having severe pain in your thighs when you try to lift a leg... Someone get me a crane!

I'm tired of feeling constantly queasy. Either I'm hungry, or I've eaten too much... There's no medium. Of course, my stomach is nestled somewhere just under my chin and mushed to be about the size of my thumb. Thank God for Zantac! And rolaids...

I'm tired of the heat, tired of my clothes, missing my shoes, and just want my body back. Any ideas on how to send this kid an eviction notice?? I mean, I'm glad he's comfy and cooking well and all that, but time's up kid - let's fly the coop already!

I seriously think those around me deserve a medal for not killing me or at least banishing me from the island... I don't even like me anymore...

WHAAAAA!!!

The good and the bad...

Another roller coaster day here. Steve was just not feeling well and since he has a big drive and a big close tomorrow in Tucson, we thought it prudent that he stay home and try to feel better. Good thing...

Mom called while we were at swimming lessons, wondering if I could get in touch with Fr. Jon - Dad was wanting to see him. Fr. Jon is on vacation until the 8th of August, so mom decided to call the hospice chaplain. Why all the rush for clergy? Well, evidently Dad is feeling that the end is close. Great - and I have two kids in the pool and am stuck.

I call Steve - get over there, see what's going on, try to offer some comfort. He does, God love him, and sits with Dad for the better part of 2 hours. They just talk, but during this talk Dad is saying that he's ready to go. He is at peace with his life, and whatever comes, comes... Can I just say that I am SO not ready to NOT have a father anymore? Even more, my kids are too young to not have a grandfather... On one hand, I am ready to let him go - and yet, on the other, this is my Daddy we're talking about - how can I not have my father around anymore?? He's always been my answer guy - the one who KNOWS things, nearly everthing.... If I had a dime for every time I've said "Ask Dad, he'll know..."

The Chaplain arrived around 1:30.

The original plan was for Dad to be Christened with Christopher when he's born. For all the times Dad's family spent in church, his parents never got around to having him Baptized.. He thought it would be cool to do this with his grandson - and we all agreed.

But then the reality came hard - what if our paths don't cross in this life? Realistically, Christopher can be Baptized the day he's born, but at this point, we don't know if Dad will be here - so Mom, Steve and I commandeered the Chaplain - Let's do it today! So today, at about 2pm, my 83 year old father was Christened. I'm sort of ambiguous as to the actual necessity of Baptism as far as getting into heaven, but honestly, I would rather have all bases covered and find out that its not a requirement, than the other way around!

Even though it was not as we had hoped and planned, Christopher was there - even though he did not have a speaking part. He kicked me in the ribs the whole time...

Speaking of Chris - went to see yet another new (to me) OB today - blood pressure is still normal (and that in itself is amazing), I'm starting to have more regular contractions (even if they are only prelabor) and we're moving closer to 2cm dialated. Even with that, the doc feels we're a good week or two away from meeting this kiddo... AND, even better, she does not feel he will be gargantuan baby like I'd feared! Wheeww! That's a relief! Honestly, I know women can make it through delivering babies close to 10 lbs, but if its all the same with you all, I'd rather NOT be one of them!

I feel like I am in a race against time. It is the strangest place to be - I am preparing to bring a life INTO the world, and preparing to watch one leave at the same time. I feel very strongly that these two souls are connected somehow. And I can't help but think that one life will be going out just as another is coming in. Its a very strange place, indeed.

I guess we're ready...

We went for our L&D tour last night at the hospital where I will deliver Christopher. Its a rather fancy-schmancy place, in comparison to the rooms at Alta Bates in Berkeley - take a look HERE and check out the LDRP room at SHEA. More like a hotel room than hospital room, huh??

My neighbors threw me a lovely shower on Saturday. It was the first time in ages that I'd been away from the boys for more than an hour... and as much as I adore them, that time away was HEAVENLY!!! You can see PICTURES here... A great time was had by all... thank you ladies for such a great afternoon!

Still having intermittant and haphazzard contractions. See the doc again tomorrow (a new one, again... Did I mentiont that my old doc just vanished? Well, he has, and so now his patients are ping-ponging around the rest of the docs.) and with any luck we will have made a bit more progress toward meeting our newest child!

But, I think we're ready - got the nursery all set up, had the tour of Labor & Delivery, have a car seat, a stroller, and now a swing... bottles, diapers, onesies, pacifiers - everything but a baby...

The countdown begins...

Well, as of today, I am 36 weeks, 5 days pregnant. For a more accurate account, keep an eye on the ticker below.. it will change daily. At any rate, I'm well into my 9th month...



Its amazing how the body adapts. Although I feel very old at times, and swollen like you wouldn't believe (my feet look like alien feet - I am relagated to wearing flip flops because nothing else, not even my Birks, fit!)

I've been having intermittant contractions nightly for the last three nights. Hopefully they are actually DOING something other than just annoying me. I got excited the other night, having some very 5 minutes for nearly an hour. Then they stopped. Bummer!

I am hoping he's dropped a bit, and thinking that this may be the case because the hearburn has not been as bad of late. Still needing my Zantac regularly, but had been also needing Rolaids chasers to keep my tummy comfy, and have not had to take any of those in a while.

The boys, and my dad, are extremely excited about the arrival of Christopher. Parker is asking almost daily, "When is he going to be here"??

Peanut - I'd like the answer to that myself!!!

99 things about Parker, my July 99'er

99 things about Parker… in celebration of his 6th birthday.
1. His whole name is Charles Parker Jensen
2. He is named after MY father.. Charles is a family tradition
3. His due date was July 4th,
4. He was to be born one year to the DAY that my grandmother died.
5. He missed that mark – came 2 days later.
6. I swear sometimes he is my grandmother reincarnated.
7. He is my first born son.
8. He is exactly like Steve in many ways.
9. He’s a perfectionist.
10. He is very soft hearted.
11. He is extremely kind and gentle with me!
12. He can ride a two-wheeler.
13. He can swim almost 50 yrds freestyle!!
14. Today, he swam 25 yrds of Butterfly!! (I can’t even do that!)
15. He adores his brother.
16. He can go from loving Matthew to wanting him dead and gone in about ¼ second!
17. He gets himself dressed and clothes put in the hamper.
18. He cannot tie his shoes, but keeps on trying!
19. He can add anything – including regrouping.
20. He can subtract with borrowing.
21. He wants to learn multiplication.
22. He did not inherit this love of math from either of his parents!
23. He weighs 56.5 pounds.
24. He is officially too tall to play on the play structure at Burger King (48” is the max)
25. He wears a size 6-8 in clothes and a size 4 shoe.
26. That’s BOYS 4!!!
27. God help me if he grows into those feet! At least I can always hear him coming!
28. His favorite color is green.
29. His favorite sport is basketball (after his dad!)
30. He is extremely good at swimming.
31. He’s had lessons daily at our city pool this summer.
32. He’s also been taking tennis lessons this summer.
33. He took Karate during the school year and earned a white-belt-purple-stripe.
34. He can throw and catch like no one’s business!
35. He clearly did not inherit my lack of any athletic talent whatsoever!
36. He is very excited that there’s a baby growing in mommy’s tummy.
37. He is unusually interested in my breasts and why he does not have them too… (ugh!)
38. He makes his bed and cleans his room. (Not daily, but when asked or when my mother is coming over!)
39. He finished his thank you notes from his birthday without me hounding him for weeks and weeks! (Another trait he could have inherited from me!)
40. He is tremendously excited to go to first grade.
41. He is angry that Matthew cannot go with him!
42. He still cries when he is frustrated.
43. He is getting demanding and whiney.
44. He has the most amazingly acute vision, and from the car window can see planes that are 7 miles high!
45. He knows every make of truck out there, and just about every car.
46. He will tell you his dream car is either a Ford F350 Douley, or a Hummer.
47. I have no idea where he gets his taste in cars!
48. He’s had this obsession with moving vehicles for about 1 ½ years now.
49. He is surprisingly competitive.
50. He is mot competitive with himself.
51. He loves to win.
52. He can be a spoiled sport if we let him.
53. He asks very astute questions about life.
54. He is interested in Bible stories.
55. He gets mad at us if we don’t go to church!
56. He is loyal to his friends!
57. He will tell you that his best friend is Andrew, and they share the same birthday.
58. He has not been around Andrew for nearly a year now.
59. He will remember the smallest details of things I would have sworn he’d forgotten!
60. He swears that he remembers being in the womb, and did not want to come out on the 4th of July because all the fireworks would scare him!
61. He is very independent.
62. He can get himself a bowl of cereal in the morning and a glass of juice.
63. He will NOT spill a drop, even with a full gallon of milk!
64. He has lost three teeth, two on bottom, one on top.
65. The bottom teeth are coming in.
66. He looks very strange to me, still, with his upper tooth missing!
67. He needs a haircut!
68. He may just end up with David Letterman hair – can’t do a thing with it!
69. His new idol/mentor is a lifeguard at our city pool with the same name of Parker.
70. He is very trusting and will (rather rudely) come and drink from whatever container is in front of Steve or me.
71. He loves to snuggle.
72. He loves to play teacher for his brother.
73. He has Matthew up to 8th grade in the “Parker Academy”
74. He loves Looney Toons and Bugs Bunny.
75. He will still watch Barney if its on…
76. He thinks the “S” word is STUPID and will tattle on anyone who uses that word, even me!
77. He loves to sing and make music on our Clavinova.
78. He can carry neither a tune nor a beat!!!
79. He tells me that I am beautiful and wonderful and the best mom he’s ever had!
80. He talks to his little brother in utero.
81. He is mad that we are not naming the new baby Mark.
82. He likes to take pictures.
83. He took an entire roll of pictures of his feet.
84. He remembers our trips to places like Florida and DC and will describe details from both trips.
85. His favorite part of our trip to DC was seeing Ford’s Theatre.
86. He knows that John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln.
87. He says JWB was a bad man.
88. He won’t let me kill bugs in his presence because I might be taking away a family member.
89. He believes very strongly that all creatures have the bond of family that we do.
90. He loves the show Zoom.
91. He makes up Fannee Doolee’s daily.
92. He wants to help me cook.
93. He wants to “babysit’ for the puppy.
94. He knows his grandfather is dying.
95. He loves to make up stories.
96. He writes them all down on paper.
97. He draws the illustrations, too.
98. He is the one that showed me that there is no love greater than that for your child
99. He makes me thankful every day he’s here that I get to be his Mom!

Visions of things to come....

I knew that having a puppy in the house would bring its own set of challenges. I said many times that if I have to clean up baby poop, I may as well clean up puppy poop too. Ahh - the joys of housetraining...

Morning before last, I woke to a lovely sight... to spare you all the gory details, lets sufice it to say that Schooner had left a mess in the downstairs bathroom. See, we have tried crate training her. It failed miserably with Madison, so I suppose I was not expecting success this time around. After three nights of howling, I caved. I knew she was miserable, poor thing, and who can blame her?? I sure as heck would not want to be cooped up in a small portable prison all night either.

Schooner had taken to sleeping in the downstairs bathroom, and I figured that worked just fine. 3 nights she spent in there, peacefully and ALL NIGHT (!!!), until night before last. Clearly, something did not agree with her and I was left to clean up the mess.

So, last night I decided to try her in her crate again. I moved the crate into my office where we have a direct access to OUTSIDE through the doggie doors, and this would save me carrying her up and down the stairs. Plus, I figured there was NO WAY she'd poop where she sleeps - especially in such a small area.

I was wrong.

Way wrong.

Luckily the line from the office to outside was short, and I got her out as quickly as I could. Mind you, this was 2:40 am. It was dark, but by the looks of the crate I presumed she was a mess, too. I could not just LEAVE her like that... I had to do something to clean her up...

Now, I know this is gross, but honestly, you'd probably do the same. When faced with a choice of picking up said pooch full of said poop, and bringing her into the house for a bath, or just ploping her into the pool, I think you'd choose my way of thinking, too... Into the pool she went for a spontaneous bath. At 3:00am. (Heck, the water in the pool is a balming 96 and the air temp wasn't any lower...)

I figured it was just a precursor to those mid-night diaper blowouts that require not only a change in sleeping atire, but new sheets and a full-on bath. But I promise, I won't bathe Christopher in the pool - at least, not much!!

Up again?

Following through with my roller coaster analogy, we are on a bit of an upswing. After the antibiotics kicked in for Dad, we realized that we/he had let the pain get the better of him, so last night was horrific (by mom's account) and he was NOT doing well this morning.

So where's the up? Well, Mom decided to play druggist, at the urging and approval of the Hospice nurses, and got enough pain meds into him that by afternoon, he was not only back to where he'd been Friday, I would say he was even more alert and himself. I spent about 2 hours with him this afternoon - just chatting. Nothing really important, nothing earth-shattering, just banter. And it was wonderful!

He has relinquished control of some things to Mom - the banking for one - and if you know my dad, you would know just how HUGE that is! And he seems very OK with letting others take over. His need to control everything seems to be waning, and that is increasing the peace in the house! He and Steve also had a good visit.

They always say that the valleys make the mountains look even higher. Such is true with us, now.

And the roller coaster ride continues...

I've been thinking about the Steve Martin movie, Parenthood, a lot lately. Just quoted the line about needing a license to fish, but any (insert explicative) can be a parent earlier today... and now I think back to the scene with Grandma talking about going to the fair and not understanding those who loved the carousel. She loved the roller coaster - you go up, you go down, you get thrown from side to side, and you never see it coming. How exciting the roller coaster is!!!

Well, I am guessing that in reality, I am more of a carousel person myself. If I have to ride the roller coaster, make mine a Disney version - none of the Magic Mountain maddnes!! I just get motion sick too darn easily!

We've been riding the roller coaster lately around here... and its not been my Disney version! We've had some great highs lately - getting Schooner, Parker's birthday, loosing teeth, doing so great in swimming... and we've been thrown some major curves and lows as well...

On Thursday, I was over and Mom and Dad's visiting. Dad was in his wheel chair, and we were chatting away in his office about this and that - nothing earth-shattering, nothing monumental, but probably 40 minutes worth of chatter.

Yesterday, he no longer has the strength to keep himself sitting up in his wheelchair and is very incoherent. His voice is nearly inaudible, and what is coming out is not making a lot of sense. Mom called and asked that Steve go spend the night, because Dad can no longer help when being transfered from his chair to the bed. He's paralyzed.

The Hospice nurse came out at about 11pm and finally left sometime around 1am. He determined that Dad was suffering from a rather major UTI and wondered if we wanted antiboitics given. What?? Its a choice?? Well, evidently when some folks are this near to the end of life, family members will let the infection take over and allow them to go peacefully. But no one in this family, including Dad, think we are quite there yet. He's on some major drugs to combat the infection, and that's good.

What's not good is that he will probably never regain enough strength to sit up in his wheel chair. He's now bedridden. His alertness came back somewhat after the antibiotics had a chance to kick in, but he's still rather out of it. We had to tell the boys tonight how sick Baba is. Parker asked if he was going to die. I had to say yes... we dont know when, but yes - he will die.

I never really understood my own mother's desire to shelter me from the ugliness of life. I get it now. I would do anything to spare them the pain of loosing their belived grandfather. And while it breaks my heart to be loosing my daddy, it pains me more to think of them hurting. I want to allow them a Disney-ride life for as long as possible. Life just does get very messy sometimes.

I'm just a blogging fiend today... I think this will be the last one for today - but we had to share Parker's loss #3... I will most definately have to cut the corn OFF the cob for him for a while... Congrats to my BIG GUY for a well-lost-tooth! 

Just had to share this one - today was supposedly the last day of swimming for the boys (I've since found space to sign them up for the next 2 week session...) and my Parker wanted to get a picture with Big Parker... This was just too cute to NOT share with y'all... 

This fits my attitude about summer in Scottsdale to a "T"

Dear Mom;

May 30th
Just moved to Phoenix. Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings, what a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here...

June 14th
Really heating up, Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home. .Drive an air-conditioned car... What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants. Lots of cactus and rocks, what a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, But I love it here.

July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy today. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than expected.

July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work, what a dumb to do, I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol'sun in a climate like this.

July 20th
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now, $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th
Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman, I hate this stupid city.

Aug 8th
If another wiseass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat.

Aug 9th
Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts and sat on the black seats in the ol'car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smell like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat.

Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. "Hot and sunny" "Hot and sunny" "Hot and sunny" It's been too hot for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1,700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat!

Aug14th
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, '' Hot enough for you today?'' My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live
here?

Do they make Ritalin for dogs??

While she can melt you with those eyes, our newest family member and I are having a contest of wills. Yes, she is cute and adorable and fluffy, but she is also stubborn as hell! Our problem? She hates the heat. Well, I'm with ya' sister on that one!!! But because she hates the heat, she is really hating going out to go potty. We head out the door and she freezes - so I have to pick her up and bring her outside. You can just tell from her little body that she HATES this. We get out to her designated spot (ok - anywhere OUT SIDE OF THE HOUSE works for me, we will focus on targetting specific places when its cooler!) and she bolts like lightening back to the house and whines and howels at the door. I knew good and well that I'd clean up a pile or two (or ten) in the house, but this is getting rediculous!

The reason, however, that I think she may need ritalin is this - she is the most highly distractable puppy I've ever met! She actually reminds me of Matthew, who can loose concentration and focus in a nanosecond. This morning, she woke up at 5. While not cool by any means, it was not as hot at that hour and the sprinklers had just gone off so the grass was nice and wet.

The rest of this story may be too graphic for some, and I apologize for going into detail regarding the toiletting habits of my 9 week old pup, but soon I suspect I will be blogging about the toiletting habits of my 9 week old son, so just get used to it! Anyway - I figured that this hour of the day would be a good trial of our wills. We WERE going to stay OUTSIDE until she pooped, so help me God!

At one point, I thought I'd won, too... she went over the the official dog yard, and hda that look - anyone who has raised a pup knows that look... where they run a bit in circles and sniff wildly at the ground... She even took the stance - butt down, tail out... until I blew it!!! "Way to go Schooner!!" I quietly spoke under my breath. Kiss of death, that was! She literally forgot all about what she was doing and came running over to me. How on earth, when nature calls, can you FORGET what you are doing???

You know, I almost expect to be outsmarted by certain things in my life - my camera, my computer and even my kids... but I really want to draw the line at being outsmarted by a puppy!!

Maddy, Big Sister Extraordinaire!! 

Meet our newest family member - this is Schooner, an 8 week old Bernese Mountain Dog. She makes a fine addition to the Jensen family...Here's the very patient big sister, waiting for the newbie to get with the program!!! 

What's in a name???

We celebrated Parker's 6th birthday yesterday with a pool party at the house. Parker was thrilled to be able to stretch his birthday out over three days. Who can blame him, really? I remember the 364 days between one birthday and the next seemed to drag on into eternity when I was a child - so I have no problen indluging him a bit with this special day!

But I think his favorite part was not visiting with his friends, or getting hyped up on cake, or even opening presents... I think Parker's favorite part was the lifeguard who came to the party. See, his name is Parker, too!! Matthew and Parker have been taking swimming lessons through the City of Scottsdale, daily, for the last month or so. One of the instructors and lifeguards is named Parker Young. Well, let me tell you, when my Parker found out that there was they way cool instructor with HIS name - let's just say if he could have done backflips off the high-dive board, he would have. Ever since that first day, my Parker will try to initiate conversation with Coach Parker. He reminds me of a school girl with a crush, rushing back to tell her friends verbatem what the "cool guy" said to him that day.



I think its been good for my Parker to see this older Parker in action, working with kids, having some authority, having fun... I think my Parker sees where he could be, some 13 years down the line. He is far more excited to get to swim lessons early, if possible, for a chance to hang with the cool kid!

And the cutest part - my Parker actually wrote a note to coach Parker inviting him to come to his birthday. And Parker, being the gracious young man that he apparently is, accepted! It was truly the BEST present a 6 yr old could have received!!

Its those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes...

Why does the sound of steel drums actually make me feel more relaxed?? I have subjected my boys to Jimmy Buffet since, literally, birth (had it on in the delivery room both times!!) and now my boys are tried and true parrot heads. I wonder at what age they would be safe from the contact-high that is certain to accompany actually GOING to a Buffet concert??

But Mr. James Buffet is right - sometimes just a change is all you need. We took an intown vacation this week - well, for 3 nights, really. We were 8 miles from home and at times felt a world away. It is a rather long story WHY we went away where we live, but suffice it to say we had an extended test drive with a time share to use. It was good - it was certainly something I needed!

We even came home at least once daily - to check the mail (Parker LOVED getting all those birthday cards from the folks on the playgroup board!!!), make sure the birds and cat had not eaten each other, and even at times to eat. But our "Other home" as Matthew called it meant far fewer bickering fights between the two boys, mom not hounding them to pick up their toys, someone else coming in to make the beds and wash the towels.... Overall, it was just good for the soul. Sort of like a nice daiquari and some steel drums in the background!

At what point does the body explode?

I feel like I am inching closer and closer to that point daily. I am posting two images of me - just about 4 weeks apart. Keeping in mind that I have about 6 weeks left, I just don't see how I can grow a whole lot more!!

Add to that the discomfort of months 8 and 9, the dreaded and never ending heat, and basically, well, the fun is over! Again, I thank my dear angel Eddie for fixing my air conditioning or else I think I may have packed it in and moved to Alaska!!

The boys are so very excited to meet their little brother - as are Steve and I. We keep wondering how and where he will fit into this family... of course, I worried about these same things with Matthew, so I have precident that all will be fine, but it still gives me things to think about late at night... inbetween potty stops!